« previous entry |
Oct. 26th, 2009 | 05:06 pm
my mood: content
music: the beatles
hey everyone im soooo sorry i haven't been on here in FOREVER!!
ive been extremely busy lately with cheer and school and shit and oh wow do i ever miss blogging.
so here's whats new in my lovely life these days..
basically i havent been not high at school for over a week.
i keep going to school with the right mind set of " i will NOT blaze today"
but then something shitty happens and i end up doing it anyways.
i keep having huge mental break downs and just bawl my eyes out for no apparent reason lately aswell.
i feel like there's just SO much un-needed pressure on me to be a million times better than i actually am.
i've always been the type of person to push myself to be the best i can be.
but the harder i try to be the best, the more i fail and become depressed.
my writing teacher says i have some special talent cuz i've been writing a lot of deep shit lately
she even sent home some note to my parents to encourage me to be a writer but please..
my parents do NOT encourage.
they dont even care that i have over 90% in half of my courses.
i dont even wanna touch on that subject though cuz id be typing for days and days lol.
ohhhh the life of an aspiring emotional, teenage, self-conscious, confused writer.
it sure is a journey.
i wrote this tonight.
The Girl I Do Not Know
Looking through the mirror
At a face I do not know
This little girl is standing their
With no other place to go
This girl she has no smile,
Must have been washed away by tears
Trying to stay strong
All while battling her fears
All the calculations
Every morsel, every bit
Is eating her, inside and out
A zero she will fit
I place my finger on the glass
She struggles but does the same
I begin to trace my fingertips
Across her tiny frame
The magazines show paper girls
Her jealousy arises
Happiness is coming from
Numbers like her jean sizes
She blinks at the same time as me
Her skin is snow white pale
She shakes her head, says “not today”
And turns straight towards the scale
all day today i was thinking about food and e.d.'s which i usually do but have been trying not to lately.
its honestly scary how much this type of shit pop's up on an everyday occasion just to be like "HEY! DONT FORGET, IM STILL HERE!!"
last night on t.v. there was an episode on american dad and stan was ana.
today a bunch of kids at school were picking on my friend saying he was fat,just to piss him off because he's super thin. well guess what assholes, he has a fuckin e.d.
i cant stand how many people are out there making JOKES about this subject.
until you've lived it, you'll never understand what its like.
and unless you understand what its like, you have NO RIGHT to make jokes about it...
anyways imma go write some more poems and such =)
have a good day!
& remember, all you need is...